Self Before a Blue Hammer

I created this work to serve as an observation of the self and speak on the topic of artistic influence. I wanted to explore how a painting or image can act as a portal or window between individuals within different moments. I wanted the painting to read as a conversation between people in the past and present. The painting itself is a spectrum between the moment the viewer is seeing it in the absolute present, the moment in which it was painted in the recent past, and the moment occupying the flat image behind the subject in the distant past. The subject is me, the artist. I painted myself during an observed moment in time. This work serves as a documentation of my existence, my fears, and my observed emotions captured in the moments that I created this painting. I wanted these emotions to feel confrontational to the viewer. I sought to depict how one can never truly know or experience an artist outside of the work that is left over. 

The reason for the painting being a diptych is related to the nature of the pose. I wanted a clear separation between the emotions depicted in the face and the emotions in the hands. I (the subject) am staring directly at the viewer. I am painted and scaled to meet the viewer at eye level, observing the viewer just as they are observing me, seemingly making my own silent judgements. However the pose in my hands suggests my fear and hesitation in that moment exposing myself to an unknown viewer. I am trapped within a moment on a flattened plane. Despite this we are both in the present, able to take and give to each other and still can create in life. However behind me, my influence is framed above me, and is scaled larger than me. Yet still sits behind me, and in my shadow. Trapped on an even flatter plane I have taken from him but can give nothing back. Despite having succeeded in a lifetime of creation, he has already lived and died, unable to create any further work. The nature of a diptych being two separate canvases also speaks to the disconnect between the main subject, and the subject’s influence.