He was a 7 years old black kid in predominantly white primary school. And Like a lot of kids of his age, he liked to look under little girls skirts. He was never taught to look under little girls skirt. But from a young age, he was taught in the recess yard that he was different.
Young white kids didn’t want to touch him because they were afraid to be “dirty” and “ugly” like him. So logically, he thought that the other black kids were also “dirty” and “ugly” like him. So when he wanted to look under little girls skirts, he would only pick white little girls.
Growing, this self hate is what shaped his education, his views, his fantasies. His sexuality has been created by and for whiteness.
Now that he’s older he tried to reclaim his past.
By accepting his own sexual biases, transforming them into something that will fit his vision. By replacing whiteness by blackness in his memories, he thinks he will heal faster, change for the greater but memory is a tricky thing.
