‘Senses of Self’ is an autobiographical performance exploring parallel identities and the divergent paths life can take. The performance features a dialogue between two versions of the artist, as the version who had the abortion (the artist) digs the grave for the version who didn’t (the mother). The performance navigates the emotional landscapes of these two diverging lives: one where the artist embraces the freedom to pursue her artistic dreams, and the other where she raises the child she never had.
The voice of the mother (i.e. the artist’s pre-recorded voice) emanates from an anthropomorphic sculpture constructed from the pieces of the broken bicycle that accompanied the artist through the first ten years of her adult life, including the journey to and from the abortion clinic. Traumatic memories imprint not only on the mind, but on the body itself. If our bodies are vessels with the capacity to hold a memory, could objects not also perform a similar function?
The dialogue is a delicate exploration of what could have been, as the performer converses with this alternate self about the daughter she envisioned but never brought into the world. The exchange touches on themes of regret, fulfilment, sacrifice, and the complex interplay between choice and destiny. The conversation blurs the boundaries between reality and imagination, as the artist reveals on a meta-narrative layer that the dialogue itself may be a live performance, offering a profound reflection on identity and the lingering echoes of life-altering decisions.
In digging the grave for the alternate version of herself, the artist releases the traumatic memory frozen within the object of the bicycle, and lays to rest the life that never was—a symbolic gesture of acceptance and closure. In the final moments of the performance, the artist invites the audience to help fill in the grave, transforming the act into a collective ritual of mourning and release. This shared participation underscores the universality of grief and the power of communal healing, making the performance a deeply moving meditation on the choices that define us and the lives we leave behind.
For the purposes of the Arte Laguna Prize Exhibition, the performance can be shortened to 10 minutes.
