Most of my paintings express my search for
understanding which is here symbolised by a certain underlying order. It is not
a perfect order but the regularity of the stripes gives the chaos in my life,
in my thoughts and in the world out there a basic grid – something to hold on
to. It leaves room for individuality as a person among all other humans who are
not perfect either, but it is these differences, our edges that make out our
character while also challenge our tolerance.
At the same time the grid of stripes is like our days,
hours, seasons - regular repetition that can however never be precisely planned
which is like the way I apply the paint. The element of randomness by using a
spatula instead of well directed brush strokes is like the way our lives
evolve. We can plan as best as we want to but there will always be an element
of surprise, there will be overlaying influences that change everything. We
want to have everything under control but we can never achieve this lever of
precision.
To me the beauty lies in all of this- accepting and
embracing the randomness and the unknown, cherishing the differences that can
cause tension but that are the most interesting aspects to explore.
In this painting " understanding life" I covered
the bright coloured stripes underneath first with withe paint like a fog that
makes everything blurry. To regain a clear view
and understanding I scratched of the white layer with the same spatula. This
gives more clarity and colours start to reappear. However, the process leaves scratches
resembling scars from the struggle. It also soothes the edges. The scars are a sign of vulnerability but they can heal.
My paintings are often an outlet for emotions. I felt really hurt and let down at work and in my prvate life at the time when I created the painting and I was looking for a positive perspective to regain confidence.
