This painting represents what I tend towards aesthetically. A destruction in the style, almost an explosion in the movement and application of colors.
This painting represents an event of great pain that I could not conceive of painting with classical techniques. I had to throw up the colors on the canvas, to go fast to capture the pain in the moment but also to get rid of it, then lock the canvas in a closet and forget.
Chistopher left me in January 2020, I could feel myself dying on the spot. I was screaming for death, I was overwhelmed by the situation. I felt like my insides were bursting out of my body, my head was burning, and I was screaming and screaming.
Before he returned to his country (America) Chris had put yellow post-it notes with hearts or poems written on them all over my apartment. After the separation, I would discover them again and again. I also painted the hickey on my nipple or the little drawing on my breast that always appeared on my body. I put on the canvas the watch that shows the exact time he answered in an unassuming voice "Yes" when I asked him if he wanted to leave me.
Finally, there are pills in my hand. The cause of all this. I had a seizure after taking a medication, because of its side effects my brain had become excessively numb which made me sleep awake and I couldn't speak. Chris didn't understand the situation and thought the problem was mine.
A few days later Chris came back to me, and our love, unfortunately, would only last another year.
