I discovered my inevitable mortality at a rather late age. It came to me as a shock one night when... Read More
I discovered my inevitable mortality at a rather late age. It came to me as a shock one night when I was alone and about to fall asleep. The feeling was a deep, cold, helpless sensation of loneliness because I knew no one could comfort nor save me from my inevitable faith. After the initial shivers of horror and panic had passed I realised, as an experience, it’s probably nothing more than going on a roller coaster. I hate roller coasters, mostly because I’m afraid of them, but I still go on them, because I deny myself the luxury of being afraid of something and thus avoid doing it. The beauty of the roller coaster is that once the bars come down there’s no turning back no matter how terrified I become and whatever follows, follows. It’s a bittersweet combination of fear and freedom and I believe death to be something similar.
Later in life, not only have I come to terms with death but it has become a liberating force. I remind myself of my mortality daily and it comforts me deeply. It provides perspective and now gives a feeling of warmth and safety. I’ve noticed my values were often built on the illusion as if I were to live forever which is simply not true. And though the nothingness that awaits in the end is still incomprehensible and I’ve no religion to comfort me otherwise, I have my sense of as far as I know I was fine before I was born, so I must be fine after I’m gone.