Enchevêtrements

Enchevêtrements (Entanglement) 2020

-A collection of objects and elements mixed together in a disruptive way.

 Enchevêtrements: exactly what I have presented in my paintings. A collection of experiences and feelings intertwined with each other, in certain dimensions of time; through colors representing the nuances of sentiments, and architectural elements which are the images of my perceived reality.

 The purpose of these paintings was to reflect the views from my window, the places where I like to walk, have fun, hide, and get lost.

 The idea for this work came to me during the quarantine period of the pandemic of Covid-19, more specifically, from the need to feel free. In my "enchevêtrements" I started to find all the colors that I missed in life. I relived the difficult moments that I refused to remember, and the feeling of freedom I was looking for was not just to get out of the walls of my apartment, but to feel the freedom inside me, to forgive myself and those who have smudged the monuments of my memories.

 Growing up in Kosovo, was a real struggle – I say this now, in retrospect. To give a clearer picture of what I mean by this, I want to share two main events of my life, which at the same time serve as two static points, before and after which all of the events in my life have turned.

 The first one being the consequences of the war in Kosovo in 1998-99 and the second one my arrival in Paris in 2018.

 Starting with the first, even though I was a child, I was old enough to realize and memorize all the experiences during the war. I still feel the burden of my jacket, in which my mother had hidden food and some money, in case our fortune would separate us.

After 20 years since the war, Kosovo continues to be an open prison. Always quarantined.

 The post-war period in Kosovo is quiescence – a stagnation; we do not talk about the war, and sometimes I even have had the impression that everyone has forgotten. I have also refused to think about it, but despite the fact that I do not want to feel a victim of the past, it was one of the periods where I have had some of the strongest emotions I have ever had.

Arriving to Paris was a completely different experience; it was the first time in my life that I was completely alone, completely lost. I felt very different and quite scared but this time around my concerns were not existential, so I took it easy.

This period has enabled me to get to know myself. Far from home, my mind was constantly working on all the new experiences it was receiving, and too busy to open up – but I began to try to open my mind slowly.

During conversations with peers from university, I noticed the consequences and traumas of my childhood. I was very impressed at how passionately they talked and discussed the wars and historical events in France, which they had only read in books or heard from their grandparents. And I, who had seen the horror with my own eyes, spoke of it as if it were a simple "soirée" which did not impress me much. And at the same time, I was comparing their passionate stories read and heard, to the “casual” tragedies I have lived.

This burden began to weigh on me, yet I tried hard to ignore it, as this weight prevented me from fully enjoying Paris, a city I had always dreamed of and had now fallen in love with.

I realized, that in order to get rid of this burden, I had to go back and relive all my fears, the stories of my elders, and the history of my country from the first proven sources.

All the struggles I have had become my strength, my love and my hope for life. Sometimes, for better understanding we have to get out of the box and to try to look it with somebody’s else eyes.

 My love for art history, studies in ancient sciences, and my experience in archaeology enabled me to lay the groundwork for my paintings, and then little by little, I added more layers, I did so until the imagination branched out of all the forms, buildings their windows, and colors that enlighten my paintings as much as myself.

 With strong contrasts, bright colors and minimal details, I try to give each of these dimensions the same importance. By combining warm and cold colors, melted together inside the figures, I managed to cope well with the entanglement inside me and created in my way, “my perfect places”.